Podcast: E32 - Boundaries with Parts
Listen to E31 - Boundaries with Parts here - https://apple.co/3XPbeLB
Hey there, it's Dr. Tiffany. I want to welcome you to episode 32 of the podcast, Integrative Mental Health Therapy with Dr. Tiffany. And this episode is on boundaries with your parts. I want to welcome you to spring. think spring has really sprung here. And I just also want to reflect a little bit on the previous podcast. I don't know if you noticed but we actually published episode 31, which was an interview that I did, a podcast episode with Dr. Evan Hirsch on his podcast, Energy MD, which I was really excited about participating in. It was a bit of a full circle moment for me. He was someone who's programs I was interested in early on in my career. so it was just really nice to go from, I don't know, buying his programs in 2016, 2017 to being on his podcast and being able to spend that time talking about IFS parts work as it relates to chronic illness, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, chronic, chronic, chronic, all the things. Dr. Hirsch is very heavily in the functional medicine. He is a functional medicine MD. So he's not a naturopath by trade. He is actually a medical doctor by trade. And he's very medically minded. And so it was nice to interject just my method into his world and to talk about the importance of understanding parts. And this episode that we're currently in is about having boundaries with your parts. And I really find that when I have clients and patients in my practice who are struggling with health issues, primarily because that's the space that I exist in, but also with chronic anxiety, chronic stress, a lot of times it's this twofold challenge of not having boundaries internally. And ultimately because of that lack of practice of having boundaries internally, there are no boundaries externally. And how joyful it is to help people really identify boundaries internally with parts.
And even in that previous episode with Dr. Hirsch, a lot of this runaway chronic fatigue, runaway chronic illness, as somebody who has struggled with a lot of these things, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and pain and things like that, not having boundaries with your parts can be a big culprit. And I know that personally. Part of my healing journey, personally has been, okay inner perfectionist, okay inner striver, okay inner critic, okay inner people pleaser, can you please, let's get it together. You know like, hi there, I see you, I love you, you've done your job and I got it from here, you know, like I am accessing self leadership.
I am not people pleasing anymore. To my detriment, I am standing in my own personal authority and loving on me and acknowledging and respecting what I need. And people pleasing is not how we need to survive anymore. That is not how we survive anymore. I know so much and I have so many tools. mean, gosh, I have a toolkit that overflow with and people pleasing is not what you have to do and you get to go somewhere and just have a good time and relax finally because you have been people pleasing for as long as you can remember. Okay, Stryber Park, girl, you have done it. I mean, you have accomplished it, right? You have all the degrees, you have all the certifications, you have all of the A plus pluses and gold stars.
Right? You've got all of the just letters after your name and before your name. You can relax now. You don't have to work so hard. There is nothing to prove. You are enough. You are worthy. And it's not because of the letters. And I'm so sorry. It took us so long to figure that out. But you get to rest and there is this great dance class that we are going to and I want you to just go have a good time. Go knock yourself out learning all the dance moves. That is where I want you to spend your energy. Dear Striper Part, Dear Perfectionist, You are lovable without being perfect. You're lovable without being perfect.
You are enough, you are worthy. I see you and I appreciate what you have been able to achieve. There are a lot of doors that have opened as a result of all of your hard work. I would be lying if I said that wasn't the case, but we have to approach life differently now.
And you get to be in sweatpants and be messy and somewhat disheveled and completely imperfect and that is quite lovable, right? And on and on we go. That is what it looks like to go inside and have boundaries with your parts, right?
So I've shared so many times my journey about curable and that connection with that entity, that program, that group, how it was life-changing for me to do that work and to find that the research on chronic fatigue and chronic pain has identified that there is a pattern with the personality types. And from an IFS perspective and a parts perspective, what that meant was people who end up, women especially, but there were men in my groups that I was in, but a lot of women, predominantly women, that end up with autoimmune disorders, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, typically have a perfectionist part that is never satisfied, a really demanding inner critic, people pleasing parts, that this is traditional.
Western medicine research has found that there are personality types that end up with these diagnoses. That was just astounding to me, right? That was just, it was, it's just amazing. First of all, where the research has gone, it is an exploding, progressive time when it comes to the body and the mind connection and just there's so much, it's almost overwhelming the amount of information that we have access to. And that when I do my work with my clients and patients in my practice, I have to be aware that they have parts that are feeding the pathways of pain and overwhelm and stress and struggle. And oftentimes the clients that come in and they are overwhelmed by the people in their lives. Oh, behaving poorly, asking too much of them, not providing a reciprocal loving relationship in their life, taking more than they give, expecting so much from my client. It is because my client doesn't have healthy internal boundaries.
So they don't even know how to have a good external, healthy external boundaries. So again, from a very personal perspective, but also as I have worked with women in my practice, I can tell you, I know this to be true. And I also know it from the research and curable and what the transformations I would see in those group therapy. They weren't even really group therapy. They were more like groups that go add sessions is that as people develop better boundaries internally with those different parts that I outlined there initially, they would have better boundaries with other people. like if part, if people have a part that is all about having a good time, having fun, saying yes to all the fun in life, right? And I'm thinking vices, the drugs, alcohol, the food, the spending.
Right? Because we all have parts that want to do the most and just have a good time and just go on all the vacations and just, um, rest and play so much that would become out of balance. Right? Those people will struggle with their health. A lot of times they'll struggle with having a money, enough money and having a budget and taking care of responsibilities and so then those people will often find that they have a hard time when they encounter other people in their environment who want to push food or push drugs or push alcohol or push spending on them, right? So it a lot of times when I'm working with people who have a hard time with external boundaries.
They're having a hard time with their internal boundaries with their parts. And so they have to learn how to tell that part that wants to have all the fun. We've got to be responsible. Our health is on the line. Our weight management is on the line. Our cholesterol is on the line. Panger mortgage is on the line. You know, our brain health is on the line. And those parts that want to have fun don't understand that there are other other responsibilities in the system and it's our responsibility when we're in self leadership to guide those parts. Hopefully this is resonating. Hopefully this makes sense. And this is very much my brain, body, mind approach. This is a very holistic perspective on the body and mind looking at these parts and how not having boundaries with them can really get us into trouble.
And so we can have, I talk to people all the time who want to operate from these really restrictive parts. For a long time, I practiced focused on weight loss, weight management early on in my career. And I got away from bringing on anyone new, any new clients that were focusing on weight loss. And I only worked with people that were already established clients who struggled with weight management binge eating because it just was such a challenging population to work with. And I realized that these were going to be clients and patients for a very long time because these parts that would binge and these parts that would struggle with weight and are restrictive part, this was a well-worn pathway in their mind, in their system.
And we were gonna be in this for the long haul and I just couldn't have a lot of clients and patients in the practice on this journey. Especially with the kind of quick fix diet mentality that this was deep work. And a lot of times people will come in and they wanna be in their restrictive part and they don't have boundaries with that restrictive part. And society will glamorize being able to be in that restrictive part and it can be one of the most difficult parts to work with in a person's system because that part is what we call a manager and they just know they're right. And the client has had success with this restrictive striving part. But again, it's a part and it's not self leadership. And what we're trying to do when we have boundaries internally, which will help us to have boundaries externally is we're kind of operating like it's a choir or chorus or a symphony, right? And we are leading them when we're in self leadership. And it is not a part, it is self. It is our highest aspect of us. So how do you get to boundaries with these internal parts? The first step is knowing that you are probably in a part that you need to separate from the part, get into self, and then work with that part. it is not about someone blending from that part. It's not about being punitive or chastising. It's about being radically accepting and loving. But also, like you've heard me say, I'm gonna take a sip of my tea, acknowledging that it's a part, knowing, like naming it, knowing that that's what it is and then helping it to recognize.
We're not where we used to be. We're not where we used to be. It almost makes me emotional thinking about the journey that I've had to go on with my parts and how radically different my external world has become as I have gotten to a healthier place with my parts. And then working with the women in my practice, you're not that six-year-old, 10-year-old, 12-year-old, 15-year-old who was in so much pain, who needed so much support any longer, you are this 40 year old, 50 year old, and you need to show your younger part. That's where you are. And so many of my clients want to get to like unburdening. And one of our earlier steps is really unblending. So often people are in a part and it's really hard to unburden when you're in a part. So unblending, just getting some space and some separation.
And then knowing that you've got to get some boundaries with this part, that's where you begin. You unblend and you are loving towards and you're not judgmental. If you are, you're still in a part. And then you start to work with boundaries with that part. Okay. And then that helps you to have boundaries with the outer world. And it becomes really loud in the outer world when you're unboundaried because you have so much clarity in your inner world. It's almost surreal how clear things become. I hope this is helpful. I will talk more about this. Just a lot of parts talk around health and around relationships. I'm just in a phase of life personally and professionally where I'm doing a lot more work that is a bit more focused.
And the themes are anxiety and overwhelm and stress, but also relationships with people in our lives. And I want to make sure I'm talking about all of the parts that are involved. So we'll talk more about internal boundaries and then go to a bit more external boundaries and upcoming episodes. So if this resonates with you, let me know. And until next time, be well.